Facing fears

I was born in the year of the dragon according to my Chinese horoscope. I’ve always thought of dragons as being fearless. I’m definitely not fearless. I have fears for the future like most people, I suspect. One of the many things I’ve learned since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s is that my fundamental fear is not being able to cope.

For a long time after my diagnosis I felt anxious and afraid of what the future might hold for me. Parkinson’s is a progressive condition. At present, although I do struggle with many every day tasks, with medication and adjustments to my life, I still have a good quality of life. But who knows how my symptoms will progress and how this will affect my quality of life in years to come? And I guess my fear is what if I can’t cope with progressing symptoms and a deteriorated quality of life? No-one knows the answer to that. I can’t control how Parkinson’s will affect me in the future. However, rather than spending my life in constant fear, I can do my best to look after myself now and I can work on becoming more resilient. Beyond that, I have no control. Once I had really accepted that and started to work on building up my resilience – which took some time – my fears subsided somewhat. I still have my moments when I fear for the future – however, I now feel more confident and hopeful that I would be able to cope.

I may not be fearless like a dragon, but as time goes on I’m focussing much less on my fears and slowly growing more resilient.

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