I was born in the year of the dragon according to my Chinese horoscope. I’ve always thought of dragons as being fearless. I’m definitely not fearless. I have fears for the future like most people, I suspect. One of the many things I’ve learned since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s is that my fundamental fear is not being able to cope.
For a long time after my diagnosis I felt anxious and afraid of what the future might hold for me. Parkinson’s is a progressive condition. At present, although I do struggle with many every day tasks, with medication and adjustments to my life, I still have a good quality of life. But who knows how my symptoms will progress and how this will affect my quality of life in years to come? And I guess my fear is what if I can’t cope with progressing symptoms and a deteriorated quality of life? No-one knows the answer to that. I can’t control how Parkinson’s will affect me in the future. However, rather than spending my life in constant fear, I can do my best to look after myself now and I can work on becoming more resilient. Beyond that, I have no control. Once I had really accepted that and started to work on building up my resilience – which took some time – my fears subsided somewhat. I still have my moments when I fear for the future – however, I now feel more confident and hopeful that I would be able to cope.
I may not be fearless like a dragon, but as time goes on I’m focussing much less on my fears and slowly growing more resilient.
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This is beautifully written about the fears most of us have but push to the back of our minds. Resilience is something we all need to learn as fear is as bad as Mr P itself. Great blog Angela, keep them coming.
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